By Vicki Flier Hudson
I can’t tell you how many times I have heard people say to me, “Being indirect is dishonest. I like to call a spade a spade and be straight with people.”
I understand their frustration, but what they are experiencing is a common communication gap that can be bridged. In large parts of the world, key global players like India, Japan, Korea and China, value a more indirect style of communication. Why? Not to be “dishonest” or “beat around the bush” but to preserve harmony and give face.
This indirect style of communication is characterized by a non-confrontational demeanor, modesty, use of non-verbal cues and verbal hints. The main point of the message may not be in what is said, but rather what is not said.
People from cultures who prefer a more direct style, such as the U.S., Germany and Switzerland, often struggle to give feedback that does not cause loss of face for citizens of more indirect cultures.
But the skill is worth acquiring. In this day and age, globalization will put you in touch with people from places like India and China, whether you seek them out or not. The art of giving indirect feedback provides you with an increased communication repertoire, a higher level of diplomacy and a higher likelihood for success in negotiations.
Why should you put in the effort to learn this skill? When someone from an indirect culture loses face, they often shut down and shut doors, and in business that translates to lost revenue.
People ask me, “If I prefer a direct style, how do I learn something so counter to my preference?”
First, start small. Take some time to observe how direct you are relative to the other party. For example, I have heard folks from the Southern U.S. say they thought they were indirect until they met someone from Japan!
Emphasize building relationships; use private meetings and time outside of work to ask about a person’s aspirations and opinions.
Ask third parties to convey delicate information; this is a common technique among indirect cultures.
Give clear examples and instructions in advance to reduce the chance of mistakes that would be criticized later; try to avoid direct criticism and emphasize that even wrong answers have merit.
Tell a story about when you made a similar mistake.
Try to avoid saying “no” directly by using open phrases such as “interesting idea” or “that is being considered.”
Be patient – your colleagues might become more direct over time but if they do, they will take small steps.
Try to maintain politeness and emotional control whenever possible.
Present your key message in several different ways and confirm understanding.
Remember there are exceptions to every rule. People from indirect cultures can often be very direct about certain topics.
If you can learn the art of giving indirect feedback, you are much more likely to feel comfortable in this new global environment knowing you have a fuller toolbox of communication styles. You don’t have to change yourself, just add on new skills.
About the Author: Vicki Flier is the USA-born President of Highroad Presentations, Inc. She provides customized, real-world training programs in intercultural communication, multicultural team building and international business skills to corporations, aid organizations and educators. To learn more about Highroads Presentations, visit www.highroaders.com. Contact Vicki directly at 770-936-9209 or send her an email at vicki@highroaders.com.